Fangs vs. Fur

So, are vampires better than werewolves? Are fangs better than fur? It’s not a question I’ve ever had the occasion to debate before, but when David and Kelly asked me what I thought, I figured I’d better take a stand. Let’s look at the facts, shall we?

1. Fur? Totally equals fleas. Definitely a point for the fanged ones.

2. Clothing and Fashion Sense. On the one hand, vampires tend to (historically, in most vampire literature) dress well. Consequently, they’d have a fairly large clothing bill. However, mitigating factors would be that they also tend to (historically) have a fair amount of disposable cash, so that’s a wash. Werewolves, on the other hand, are constantly shredding their clothing during transformation, meaning they have to buy new clothes a lot. Vampires are also generally known for good fashion sense, so I think we have to give another point to the bloodsuckers here. Haute couture vs. grunge. Though I might have to give a half point to the werewolves for Taylor Lautner walking around without a shirt in his man-phase.

3. Ability to control oneself. Werewolves are known for fiery tempers and heck, the very fact that the moon makes them change rather than them consciously choosing also speaks to their lack of control over their own bodies. Vampires, on the other hand, have to deal with their hunger (but so do werewolves). They’re known for being controlling, if anything. Another point to the bloodsuckers.

4. Shapeshifting ability…Werewolves are limited in their shapeshifting ability. They can only change into ONE shape, whereas vampires can change into more than one. In many myths, in fact, vampires can change into a wolf shape. So I’d say another point to the fanged ones.

5. I mentioned the fleas, right?

6. Eating Habits. Okay, I think this one is pretty much a wash. They both like things bloody and rare and, depending upon the vampire, possibly messy. Though some vampires are dainty eaters, it’s all still blood. No points for anyone.

7. Fleas. Seriously. I can’t get over the fleas. I’m itchy just thinking about it.

8. Strength and Other Abilities. Werewolves are super strong. And furry. Um, I think that’s about it. Vampires, depending upon which mythology you’re going with, have been said to be super strong with everything from super hearing, super vision, the ability to fly, the ability to walk on walls/ceilings, the ability to hypnotize people, the ability to…you get the idea. Everything AND the kitchen sink. I think we all know where this point is going, don’t we?

9. The Sexy Factor. Of course this doesn’t apply to ALL vampires (or werewolves), but let’s just look at the movies. Brad Pitt. Tom Cruise. Robert Pattinson. Chris Sarandon. Kiefer Sutherland. Wesley Snipes. Antonio Banderas. Stuart Townsend. David Boreanz. Kate Beckingsale. Can you name anyone who played a werewolf in a movie? Okay, OTHER than Taylor Lautner? Or Michael J. Fox (and, come on, Michael really isn’t sexy. He’s more cute)? Sorry, but I gotta give it up for the vampires here.

10. But ultimately, doesn’t it all come down to this…vampires are more human than werewolves. Werewolves are bestial in nature. While undead, vampires are still more human than werewolves. And they don’t have fur.

Or fleas.